Sup y’all! Vegan Trap Queen Eb here, aka Mr. Steal Yo Girl, bka Ebby Eb! Spirit told me to blog…. So a bish is blogging. I’ll probably jump from topic to topic but fxk it. Keep up w/ the kid! I have A LOT on my mind, like most people I assume. I be tryna vent on Facebook but them heaux so sensitive (in my Kanye voice). So I figure I can fully express myself on this blog without the backlash of peoples’ projections. From living with Lupus, to #VeganDickOnly, to my personal childhood trauma and random stories like “that one time in band camp”, get the tea on your Favorite Vegan couple from yours truly.
(I never actually went to band camp btw, didn’t play any instruments either. Y’all know how that ish go when you raised in a single parent home with 2 other siblings but no worries, we always had everything we needed)
Anyway though, this first post is dedicated to my Queen, Chele. Y’all, I love her SOUL. Literally. Anybody know exactly what I mean by that? To really be in love with a person’s soul? Its like waking up every morning knowing you can have your favorite ice cream for breakfast if you wanted to. It’s like having your favorite love song on repeat in your head 24/7. I burst out in love songs constantly (she hates my singing, but fxk it!). She has helped me grow in more ways than one. From educating me on how eating meat was the leading cause in my lupus flare ups to helping me find my birth family, I thank the universe daily for sending me her.
So here’s how we met…
picture it; January 2014, Southeast DC…
I had just moved back to DC from Richmond, working as a teacher’s aide for a self-contained classroom. (s/o to Ms. O!) So I’m sitting at the round table with one of my students and in walks the High Priestess herself, looking astounding! No really, the Bish was glowing y’all! Melanin on all types of fleek! (do the kids still say that these days?) At the time I was single, but I did have a lil bait on my line, nothing too serious. No joint compared to what was standing in front of me right then and there.
Y’all…. IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.
Deadass. I was like “I need it in my life… come put it in my life”. (s/o to Juvi!) So boom, she comes in the classroom and starts to take off her NorthFace and as she turns around to put her coat on the back of her chair, I noticed her big ass tattoo on her lower back, then all her hand tattoos. I thought to myself, “a woman with tattoos on her hands like she does has a story to tell and I want to hear ALL of it”.
In a matter of 37 seconds my soul knew that SHE was in fact the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then it hit me, this Bish is nobody’s lesbian. It’s cool though, neither were any of my other joints forreal! So my conceited self like, fxk it, she’s so amazing I’ll settle with being her friend if she ain’t with the sh*ts. So I do what I do best when I like a female, make em laugh! Easy enough right? Yep! So boom, we working w/ the lil bebes teaching them how to read n sh*t and getting to know each other (as coworkers of course). I find out she from DC. I’m like bet, a city girl! No shade to the southern beauties but y’all just a lil too slow for the Kid. One day we were on the train after work heading home (we later on found out we lived dumb close to each other), I was like “gimme ya phone”. I sent myself a text message without her knowing and handed her back her phone. I sent her a text that night, forgot exactly what I said but it was something along the lines of “aye girl”. Real smooth right?…
Fast forward to the month of April, not realizing we both had just finished celebrating our birthdays #MermaidGang. Y’all I flirted with her SO HARD at work, like on some OD inappropriate ish…. Remember, we in a classroom full of non-reading 5 year olds. One time while we were working with a student I wrote on a small white board “will you sit on my face?” Obviously it worked 😉 LOL
Weeks later I finally get the courage to invite her over to the crib (well at the time, I was sleeping on an air mattress in my best friend’s apartment). In my head I’m like “Man I hope she’s not turned off by my living arrangements. I’m just out here tryna be on the come up, I hope she understand”. And thankfully, she ain’t trip cuz she a real one. Aint nothing worse than a fake bougie bish that don’t understand the hustle.
So boom, she come over looking and smelling real heaven sent. I cooked my specialty, rasta pasta. Shorty was still vegetarian at the time and that was the only meal I knew that was kosher enough for my soon to be wife to consume. And guess what? SHE BODIED MY SH*T!!!! (thoroughly enjoyed the food for the people in the back) That meal was the start of something magical. Our shared love for food has helped us bond tremendously. 5 years later and we still NEVER not eat together. So… first date was a success and we went back to work the next Monday like nothing happened. And yes, that same night we had our first kiss. I felt like a teenage girl with her first crush all over again. Her lips and skin was so soft, in my head I’m like “damn I need to ask this bish what’s her skin regimen”.
So Spring is upon us and we are officially dating. I got my lil Summer love affair going on, new job on the horizon, locs swangin, and skin glowin! Life’s great! I move in my new house with my bestie and another roomie the beginning of July and asked Bae to be my girlfriend on July 26th, 2014.
Here’s how the convo went:
We laid up in my new sh*t, real lesbian like. And I’m like “Aye boo will you be my girlfriend?”
Her: “Yea but can we get a boyfriend?”
Me: “Yea, I want kids the natural way anyway”.
Her: “Aite, bet.”
Y’all prolly like “So where’s the boyfriend?”….. STAY TUNED!